HOUSE MD

Hello again dear reader.....we find ourselves now at the start of 'the process'....

I've always fancied myself as one of those 'cool' doctors. If I had the time/talent/stomach/intelligence to become one. Dr Doug out of ER, or Greg House...mean, moody...but nevertheless brilliant. The only problem being, I would never have been able to stand the ridiculous amount of time spent studying, and then....cutting people up, stitches...no way. Not for me.

So imagine my delight at the next stage of the IVF process. 

Injecting the wife. 

Cue all sorts of jokes - 'Isnt that the problem anyway!'.....'Shoudnt it be a pork sausage injection'....'She gets a little prick all the time' (that one -  most cruelly was from Mrs Harper)

Finished? Ok....lets tell you why I'm having to do this then.

We are at the stage now in the IVF process, when things are starting to happen....at long last, we have lift off. Firstly we had around a grands worth of drugs delivered to the house, not something that happens everyday. The one piece of advice we were given, was that some of the drugs need to be refrigerated...they would be in a cool box...and would need to be put in the fridge immediately.

So what did I do?

I put the medical ice packs in the fridge - leaving the drugs in the box......luckily we realised the mistake, and rectified the slight mistake

Ahem.

Everything else seemed to be there, all the syringes for the daily injections, and a box called 'Prostap' see this for techie jargon http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/medicines/100002181.html . This is the first of all the injections that will be administered to Lulu when she has her next period.  It's weird how I can talk about the inner workings of my wife's womb to all and sundry at the moment, people at work know exactly when my wife 'has the painters in'. It's also funny, when I start talking about the process to people, and you can see their eyes glaze over. Not because they are uninterested in whats happening to our lives, but the complexities of egg collection, not the sort of conversation they are comfortable with. Needless to say...im having fun with it.

So now we have all the necessary implements, we need to decide on The Implementer. Who would be administering the injections, both the first one...and then when we really start chugging, the daily ones (which have to be done at the same time each day).

I of course held my hand up. ( I was in the St Johns Ambulance when I was 11. For a week.) So I felt I had the necessary qualities to 'step up'. I'm not that squeamish, and to be honest.....got quite excited about giving my wife daily injections.....(No more jokes please).

The date for the first injection, or 'First Strike' as I'm now calling it, was around the 21st of March...depending on when its Lulu's flag day. We decided to get away from it all, and pop up to Durham. My wife has family up there, and one of them keeps a house...which we had been offered. This seemed perfect, a nice break, relax, take the dog for long walks, eat, sleep, and pump my wife full of leuprorelin acetate. A perfect weekend.

The time came......on Saturday. We settled down at the kitchen table (all serious thinking/actions should be done at a kitchen table), made sure the dog was out of the way...he would love to play with the 'pointy sticky thing'. I turned the radio off....we were in the middle of nowhere and the only radio station we could get was Radio One....my wife was not happy with this monumental day being marked by soundtrack from Tinie Tempah.First we had to mix the medicine, and then take it into the syringe, replace the needle with the one for injection, tap, make sure of no air bubbles...and away you go.

Now after reading, and re-reading the instructions a couple of times, they told you to....

'Inject into the skin next/below the belly button, ensuring the needle is at least 1cm in...and depress plunger slowly until all solution has been deployed'

This would be quite easy if your wife, at the first insertion screamed  - 'OUCHIE OUCHIE OUCHIE GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUT'

I proceeded to 'plunge' a little faster. Fearful that I had hurt my wife, I think I may have made things worse by pulling the needle out at an angle......I could feel a little, scraping. That must've smarted a bit. But she was a brave little soldier, and I proceeded to think of myself as 2011's answer to Dr Kildare (kids, speak to your parents). I need a white coat, and one of those mask thingys......

Now....we do a little more waiting.

31st of March to be exact, when I take my wife into the clinic for a scan...then we will begin on the daily injections.....and now I'm a veteran....it should be a doddle. In fact I'm thinking of spreading my medical wings somewhat....in to plastic surgery. 

I feel boob jobs are my calling......